The first few years of my marriage were hard. I was a newlywed and was confident that I was an excellent catch. Having been single for so long, with no one to contradict my belief in my goodness, how could I think otherwise? What is not to love?

Our relationship did not take long to shake that view of myself. It was easy to be a great person when I was all alone. When I added Tammy to the equation, my theory about myself was severely tested. I did not understand why she was always crying; I only wanted to enlighten her with my wisdom. I figured there must be something wrong with her.

One day, our discussions about her issues and shortcomings finally came to a head. “But what about your issues?” she yelled. I felt her frustration and anger were unwarranted. After all, I was only trying to help her. “I know all about my issues. I have one or two faults. I know what they are, and I am working on them. Let’s get back to you. Don’t try to change the subject.” Needless to say, she did not react well.

Over time, I came to understand that many of the problems in our marriage were my fault. I was to blame. Without Tammy, I never would have realized how proud and vain I was. In isolation, we all look virtuous to ourselves.

You will never reach your potential unless you have people who know you well enough to speak the truth. Left to yourself, you become stagnant, stuck, and even directionless. When you are the primary influence in your life, you become small, a victim of delusions concerning your goodness and importance. Your aloneness produces destructive pride.

RELATIONSHIPS ARE ESSENTIAL FOR PERSONAL CHANGE

God did not create you to be alone. God created you to be in a relationship with him and others. So much of the instruction in the Scriptures is about how you relate to others. For instance, in Romans 12:15-16, KJV, we read,

“Rejoice with them that do rejoice, and weep with them that weep. Be of the same mind one toward another. Mind not high things, but condescend to men of low estate. Be not wise in your own conceits.”

How does one rejoice or weep with another human without being in a relationship with them? The act of grieving with someone hurting or delighting in someone else’s success or happiness moves you beyond selfishness and into Biblical love. Love is the real measure of your faith.

Isolation allows you to live as you please without consideration of your impact on others. You can be bad-tempered and unpleasant, oblivious to others’ hurt, and indifferent to the plight of the less fortunate.

HOW DO RELATIONSHIPS CHANGE YOU? WHAT DIFFERENCE CAN THEY MAKE IN YOUR LIFE?

Relationships are one of the powerful tools God uses to transform you into his image. Many men and women can trace their success to the influence of a parent, teacher, or friend. Interaction with others always produces change, some good and some bad.

Growth occurs when you consistently respond to a person’s actions or words with Biblical principles. Interactions with others teach many of the lessons you need for successful living. You cannot always control someone else’s behavior, but you can learn to control your reaction to their conduct.

God can even use bad relationships to accomplish his purpose for your life. By forgiving someone who has wronged you, you overcome your propensity to react emotionally in a destructive manner. Forgiveness is another form of surrender to God’s higher calling for your life. Responding to another’s injustice or disregard for your feelings in a manner consistent with God’s character develops Christlikeness. You grow.

CHURCH IS A GREAT PLACE TO START

Despite all the justifiable criticisms of the church, the church is still God’s method for growing Christians and reaching the world through evangelism and compassion. You will not find Christ-like men and women in the church. Instead, you will find men and women who are in the process of becoming more like Christ. Thrown in for good measure, you will also find individuals who are the sons and daughters of Satan. The Bible calls them tares.

The church is the perfect setting for spiritual growth and pooling resources to reach the world for Christ. At church, you will find like-minded people who will accompany you on your journey of faith. You will find mentors and spiritual directors who can provide you with guidance and a personal example of living the Christian life. Your pastor will teach you how to live by his preaching and life. Together, as a church, you will influence your community and the world.

Mature Christians will influence, strengthen, and inspire you to live a great and godly life. You will do life together and be better for it. Fellow Christians will walk with you during the hard times. When the world forsakes you, they will not abandon you.

As you interact and relate with others by exercising compassion, mercy, and hope, God prepares you for a life of significance beyond measure. You are growing, maturing, and changing, becoming more like Christ.

THEIR INFLUENCE CHANGED JOHN’S LIFE

When I first met John, he was in his early thirties. He came to the rescue mission in Roanoke Rapids, North Carolina, looking for a bed. He had been living on the streets, bound and wrecked by his addiction to alcohol; he was not a very impressive man.

John asked about reserving a bed for later that evening. I told him that we did not take reservations. If he wanted our help, he must join the program immediately. Reluctantly, he agreed. Several months later, John admitted that he had enough money in his pocket that day to buy a cheap bottle of wine. He wanted to ensure he had somewhere to sleep after he finished the bottle.

Later that evening, we had a chapel service for all the mission residents. John pitched a fit. He would not allow us to force him to attend a religious service. However, he relented when confronted with the possibility of losing his bed.

The chapel service was a point of change in John’s life. At the end of the service, I offered everyone in attendance an opportunity to surrender their lives to Christ. John came to the altar and made that surrender and was never the same again.

At first, John’s growth as a Christian was not impressive. At night, he stole food from the refrigerator the other men in the program used to store their snacks. Frustrated by losing their food, the men decided to trap him by putting a laxative in the chocolate milk. John spent most of the next day on the toilet. Several months later, the men confessed what they had done.

When cornered, John lied to cover up his wrongdoing. One day, I noticed that the top edge of the box on our brand-new truck had sustained some damage. Since John was the driver, I asked him what happened. He told me it came like that from the factory. Later, I learned that while he was attempting to beat a train at the crossing guard, the guard came down on the truck and flattened that corner.

After John had been at the mission for several months, a couple of men from a local church approached me about possibly mentoring John. I readily agreed. I was excited about this opportunity for John.

Those men exerted an enormous influence on John. Not only did they pick him up every week for church services, but they also took him out to eat and spent time with him. Their influence on John’s life far exceeded my own. They were God’s instruments of change in John’s life. Several years later, I learned that John was married with a family, heading up a mission he had founded to reach men like him.

FIND YOURSELF A MENTOR

I have had many mentors in my life. They were men who believed in and saw something in me that other people failed to see. They patiently guided me, offering advice and encouragement when needed, and inspired me to fulfill God’s call for my life. Looking back, I am so grateful for the guidance of Pastor Paul Fleming, Pastor Frank Perry, and Dr. John Carlton, who exerted immeasurable influence on my life.

Even today, I am searching for a mentor to help navigate me through the next season of my life. You need a mentor, too. Without one, you will not reach your full potential. Find a mentor today.

BECOME A MENTOR

No matter where you are in life, you can always find someone who needs your help to reach their potential. Your positive and negative experiences have taught you things that will benefit others who desperately need guidance. Become a mentor.

CONCLUSION

To defeat ungodliness, you must continue growing spiritually. If you believe that finding guidance and motivation from others is unnecessary for success, you jeopardize whatever dreams and hopes you may have. It is suicidal.

Without others, your life will resemble Scrooge in Charles Dickens’ Christmas Carol. You will never reach your potential. You waste your life. Do life with others. Start today.